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as one of the hardest years of my life is coming to a close,
i’ve had a lot of my mind. i’ve spent the last couple of days beating myself over things.
& being sick doesn’t help.
i’ve glossed over my year. scrutinized over my flaws.
magnified my mistakes. as a photographer, as a friend, & as a person.
when i came back from france, i made a promise to myself.
that i was going to move on. live my life like who i was before.
& while i did manage that to a certain extent,
i had to realize that who i was before doesn’t exist anymore. that retreating doesn’t work.
i need to charge forth—into what, i’m not quite sure yet.
mistakes happen. it’s a part of life.
& while i was too busy scrutinizing all the bad things,
i had overlooked the good things.
in the middle of all these trials & tribulations, i had found my calling.
the funny thing about human beings, we’re extremely resilient.
the body, it can heal. the spirit, it can bend without breaking. the mind, it can forget.
but most importantly, the heart can forgive.
i won’t lie & tell you that it doesn’t haunt me.
that that year & everything that has happened doesn’t haunt me.
but as 2010 is coming to a close, i choose for it to be a memory. i choose to forgive.
the past is a part of me. but it alone cannot define me. what is important are the actions i take today.
